I have really had a hard time sleeping...as in, I go to bed at 3 am and wake up a little after 11:00am, drink some horrible instant coffee and try to be some sort of productive. I tell you, somehow unemployment does WONDERS for your beauty sleep. Because I look fucking fabulous.
Well, the other night, after around 7 beers, a bombtastic dinner and hosting three baths of the canine type, I was in bed. After watching a ton of reruns, it was close to 4:00am and I was in that special sleepy place... you know, the one where if you hear any sound or feel any movement your heart says 'WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT' and your body goes into shock. Yeah. THAT one. Anywho.. I was in that happy place when all of the sudden I feel this horrid vibration in the bed. My eyes shoot open, I catch my breath and realize... ok, it was just a cat jumping onto the foot of the bed.
Kitty (my adorable GIANT FAT ASS cat) decided to jump in bed with me.
It was dark. And cold. Perfect for my sleepingness material. I halfway re-open my eyes and there she is, staring at me.
Without even thinking, I immediately looked her chunky ass in the eye and said, with all the Georgia redneck I could never imagine I ever possessed...
Yeah. Seriously. That is what I said. Half asleep. TO MY CAT. AT 3AM.
She sat there and kind of stared at me, like she was saying with her cat eyes, "Scuse me betch, but dis bed be mine too. Now, move the eff ova and let me getsta sleepins too."
Master Wog was asleep, snoring his precious little bearded head off. I just lay there. Stunned. I couldn't believe that, of ALL the things MY subconcious could EVER conjour, I got fucking Forrest Gump.
Seriously? Forrest Gump? THAT part of Forrest Gump? I could have atleast thought of the 'life is like a box of chocolate' part. Or even the 'Dear God, please make me a bird and let me fly far, far away from here.' Damn.
Apparently, my unemployed subconcious is getting the best of me.
Either that, or I have watched Forrest Gump entirely too much in the last two months.