What did you get from work for Christmas?

I bet you didn't get Jesus themed generic chocolate candy from a very strange (but very nice...in a very scary overzealous Christianly kind of way) co-worker.....

I DID.

Also, in my little bag-o-goodies was this adorable little jar, complete with a top reading "Pour toi avec amour" (translated "for you with love"). Too bad I don't have that horrible cocaine addiction anymore, this would have been PERFECT for my mirror!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I am not. I just like making fun of people who think I am evil because I have tattoos and enjoy drinking adult beverages with gay people with tattoos and I say 'FUCK YOU ASSHAT' a lot.

Happy Holidays!!!!

Oh no she didn't...

Well, HELLO there! I know it has been a hot minute since I have written but I have good reason. I HAVE A JOB!!! I started back in June, and today makes my 6 month mark with them. I’m at another law firm in Downtown Savannah. Except this time I have an AWESOME view, sadly though, not hot lesbian to take smoke breaks with. On the 13th floor (yes, 13, no, they didn't ‘take out the 13th floor’ as my brother-in-law thought…fucking idiot).

Windows on one side face east, down the Savannah River toward Tybee Island.

And the other windows face south toward Savannah. The bird is my friend Craven (named because Jessica and I couldn’t decide if he was a Crow or a Raven, hence Craven).

In other news…Catie (the sister/cousin) FINALLY got married. They have been together for 8 years and have a beautiful baby girl, Brooklyn (the little milk chocolate bundle of adorableness standing in front of the Bride). And no, we did not kidnap some random young black girl, that is one of the Groom’s nieces. (That's me, just to the right of the Bride, I was the Maid of Honor).

Master Wog and I still going strong. Just celebrated our 7th anniversary last month. AND he got contacts and a NORMAL beard. So handsome.

Last month also marked the 2nd anniversary of my mother’s death. And today would have been her 49th birthday. It has been rough, but I know she is probably dry humping Patrick Swayze right now, so my mind is at ease.

We also lost one of our cats back in July. We had no choice but to put Flea down. But I am positive that Mom is taking care of him (in between Swayze humpings, of course). This is my most favorite picture of Flea, he was sunning in my reading chair.)

Other than all of that, we took in a stray in June. And by stray I mean my forty something unemployed uncle. At first it was lovely, he helps cook and clean, BUT he has a move out deadline of December 30th. We can’t take it anymore. No extra play money, and there is always, ALWAYS a third wheel. How in the hell are Master Wog and I supposed to boink in the living room in front of the fireplace like savages if there is a grown man sitting there watching the National Geographic Channel and insisting that he knows a guy who knew a guy who was in Africa and killed the mother of the elephant that was just on TV with a sling shot from 100 yards away... Right...mmmhmmm...sure...

I sure do miss sharing all of my drunken, stupid, meaningless, idiotic and HI-larious stories with ya'll. My goal is to return like I never left. So, here I am!!!! Now buy me a drink.

TAG!!! I'm it!

It seems that Jess tagged me.

The Tag? "What have been your fashion faux pas?"

ME?!?! NO!! I have NEVER made a fashion faux pas. Ok, well maybe that one time...

As Jess said, I do enjoy fashion. but not in the crazy skinny model wearing a grizzly bear with a top hat and holding a golf club kinda fashion. I just pay attention to what I am wearing. I like to coordinate. I like to make sure that everything is tucked in and where it needs to be.

I searched through my computer for proof of any fashion fuck up....I found these.

I may have reconsidered this flowery dress, but I have a feeling mom would have bitch slapped me for questioning her floral judgment. For fuck's sake it was 1995.

(I am second row from the bottom, second from the left. Yes, that one.)

And then I found this. If my boob wasn't being attacked, I may have reconsidered this rainbow tube top. But then again, I wore it for the Gay Pride Festival in Savannah.

One thing I will never reconsider wearing is this shirt right here. Just in case you can't read it, It says 'HONORARY LESBIAN'

Yessir.

The Burn: 1 Year Later

March 27th marked one year since my heating pad tried to kill me.

Some of you may remember this post.

And this one. (Queasy tummies BEWARE, it aint pretty).

Or maybe this one: (Again, BEWARE).

And I think this is the last one I posted of my dear Burney.

The burn healed sometime at the end of July. I then lost my job in August, therefore, fell off the radar.

It has since been a little over a year since my leg healed. Behold, the scar.

A little size comparison for your eyehole.

Now, go sit and think about that. Any why you should never fall asleep drunk with a heating pad on.

Sand in my mouth and sun in my eyes

But, DAMN! Ya gotta love the beach.

One thing, if anything, I can say that rocks about Savannah is the beach. I have lived here all of my life. Approximately 15 minutes from Tybee Island.

You may have heard of a little movie called The Last Song with the chick that is famous for wearing a blonde wig and is also Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter. It was filmed last summer on Tybee. With all of the cameras and movie stars and groupies that come along with a movie production. Needless to say, Tybee was a little over populated last summer.

Fortunately, there are no movies or teeny bopper stars down there this year. So us locals can enjoy the beach again in all its glory.

I took a little me time a week or so ago. I packed up my lawn chair, some sunblock and a book and drove down to the beach.

It was amazing.

And I have this to prove it.



I could not imagine living in the middle of the country, far away from sand and sun and seagulls. I think I might just take another little trip this week.

Holy shit on a popsicle stick

I had NO idea that Master Wog (including his recently departed beard) was famous. WOW

Take a peepsy do at this dude. He is the bassist for an AWESOME band by the name of Five Finger Death Punch.

(Yes, that would be the bassist on the far right, yes, that one, the one with the GIGANTANORMOUS beard.)

Now, take a look at my hunnie bunnie hunk of a wonderful piece of love muffin filet mignon goodness...






Is it just me....or do you see something similar here?

For Kat

Over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow.

This is proof that Kitty wants Jessica....dead or alive.



And (not so much for Kat, but more for me and my paparazzi like obsession of taking random meaningless pictures of my animals).

THIS is proof that my dogs are FUCKING adorable.






Stick that in your pickle and love on it.

I don't even know where to start...

I am such a damn slacker. I have had sooooooooooooo many things to write about but just don't get to the computer in time and then I forget my brilliant (and hilarious) topic.

Dammit.

The most recent event was St. Patrick's Day in Savannah with Jess and Co. But you can go here and read about all of our shenanigans.

Although, I did take a few pictures for Captain Dumbass....

If I remember correctly, he kinda has a thing for storm troopers. We were all walking back to the car to refill our beers and I happened across this wonder...

Mad props to whoever did that. I giggled my ass off. Such detail. Such creativity.

I have approximately 267 MORE pictures from the St. Pat's parade and the drunken debauchery that went on late in the evening. But I won't make you look at them.

Other than that, I haven't really been up to much of anything. Still unemployed. Still watching CSI reruns on Spike.

Anywho, I just felt the need to share those few amazing pictures with you. Oh, and this one.

Just to leave you with a wee bit of cuteness for your ass.

Happy Birthday Booboo

So what, I am like...2...3...5 days late. But WTFever.

Ya'll may remember early last year, this post about my new cousin, Brooklyn.

On February 5, she turned 1. WOW. I cannot believe she is a whole year old.

Her party was this past Saturday. Catie and I decorated. And may I just say that decorating with a one year old is NOT FUCKING FUN. But we did it. And it turned out really great. But, I must share this wee bitty funny with you...

Poor Catie was so stressed, we were behind schedule. Brad (the fiance and father) went to pick up the cakes and food and stuff, so we were left with Brooklyn. We finished with the tables and streamers and everything, then we started blowing up balloons. After about the 40th balloon, Catie starts tying string to them. Then lets it go. She looks at me, positively HORRIFIED and says, "Why are they not staying up?! I need them to stay up!!" I just looked at her, completely speechless. Then her eyes started to tear up a little bit (mind you, she was QUITE stressed about the party) I said, "Caycay, you have to have helium if you want them to 'stay up'." Then I couldn't help it, I burst into laughter and she started laughing. We ended up taping and tying them to the walls. It worked. What can I say.

She will NEVER live that down.

I love you Catie. hehe...







And because I am so proud of how beautiful she is...here are a few more pictures of her...

...Already teaching Daddy how to drive...

...Walking with her Grandpa...

...Learning how to fix a four wheeler...

...And trying to poop.

An Era Has Ended

Last night, an important being in American history was laid to rest. You all may remember my lovely almost husband, Master Wog.



Don't worry, I didn't kill him. His beard, on the other hand, has gone home to be with tiny baby Jesus Mario.





I tried to see what Kane would look like with a beard.




I almost forgot how handsome he is. When he smiles. I must point out that by this point, he was telling me to stop taking pictures, so he refused to smile. Don't worry, I will be sure to pimp him out as soon as possible.