Woodrow Willow Woodpeckerson, IV

But first, a quick shout out to my sister who is 16 today!!! Happy Birthday Sara!!! And, NO you cannot drive my car!!

A while ago, I wrote about Woodrow Willow Woodpeckerson, III.

Since the Starling RUDELY took over Woody's house, I have not seen him or his family. I still blame the European Starling. Bastard.

BUT, today, Jess and I caught a glimpse of what I believe to be Woody’s son. I know it isn't Woody because of the difference in size and coloring between he and his son. I can only assume he got his mother's thighs and eyes.

Meet Woodrow Willow Woodpeckerson, IV.



I shall call him Quarter. (Being that he is Woodrow Willow Woodpeckerson, IV...get it? the fourth, quarter of one cup...I am just so damn clever sometimes.) (NOT.) I am happy to announce that Quarter and family have now taken up shop their ancestral home in the tree next to our work smoking area. This is a great pleasure for me, as Woody and I were very close. He would holler at his girl (me) from across the street when I walked into work. I can only hope his son has the same affinity for red high heels.


For old times sake, I want to give a quick shout out to my boy Woody, where ever he may be. If he isn't still flying around hollering at girls with red heels on, hopefully he is chillin' with mom, MJ and Syber Kitty (among others)



Yay for new Red Bellied Woodpeckers!

Closed for business

I have officially been discharged from Wound Care. My leg has healed.



I just cannot express in words how grateful I am to be rid of the fucking thing. No more gauze, no more ointments, no more bandages, no more antibiotics. Just me, beer, and a bottle of Jergens Natural Glow.

Woo to the muthafuckin hoo. I'm back ya'll.

O. M. G.

I met a famous person...

Well...famous only to me and the other 10 people that watch our local evening news.

Jess and Co., Master Wog and myself went down to our local (gay) karaoke bar for some well-deserved beer and off key singing when all of the sudden, I was star struck. In walks Mr. Don Logana, a local news anchor (who is quite cute). I have seen him reporting a bajillion times and had NO doubt that this was really him.

Mind you, we had been there for a while. It WAS beer bust for fuck's sake.

Master Wog played pool


We took semi-random, semi-posed pictures.







I realized my tattoo matched the beer bust stamp.


By this point, I was totally drunk enough to waltz over to Mr. Reporter Man and introduce myself. He was very nice, still cute and gay, which just made it SO much more amazing. At least I think he was...but i never ASKED out right, so I'm not really sure if he was or not. But it was like midnight, and we were in a GAY bar. So, we'll just assume.

He politely agreed to take a picture with me. this is the first one we got.



And then he said "Wait, no, let's take another one." Um. OK. Sure.


Boob grab anyone? Priceless.


And then after giggling our asses off, he asked to take one of Jess and I. And as much as we wanted to refuse (yeah-the-fuck-right) we ended with this picture.


That is hotness at its finest right there. I love how you can see us about to burst out in laughter. Note his hand at the bottom middle of the picture.

And then there was a karaoke singing puppet...




Which I still cannot completely wrap my brain around.

Then Jess showed us how to properly air rock.

Last but not least, a couple of shout-outs. Courtest of Jess' body.

Captain Dumbass.



Punk Rock Dad.



And some of my chunky whiteness for Mitzy.




All in all, a lovely night to say the least.

Dear So and So...I said PLEASE

My very first Dear So and So...


It is all Kat's fault


Dear Tummy,

PLEASE stop making that awful sound. I understand that you are angry because all I give you is ground turkey. But it is better for you. Get over it.

Healthy and Hungry,
Larkin
******

Dear Lost Dog I Saw on the Way to Work,

PLEASE find your way home, and be sure to look both ways before crossing the street.

Worried about my furry friend,
Larkin
******

Dear Fruit Flies,

PLEASE leave my house now, and you will not be harmed. I have already purchased the poison and if you are still there when I get home from work, your entire species will be eradicated. I mean it. You will be kilt-dead on spot.

Annoyed Homeowner,
Larkin
******

Dear Brothers of Master Wog,

PLEASE come finish our roof. It is only the front and will only take half a day to finish. I really want to paint the shutters and front door this weekend but Master Wog insists on finishing things before I start new things. You are holding me up. And I want my damn red door. Get a move on.

Annoyed Homeowner,
Larkin
******

Dear HBO,

PLEASE make a new Real Sex. If I have to sit through adult baby fetishes and masterbateathons just to get to the hot fire dance people one more time---I might puke.

Your loyal fan since 1991,
Larkin

P.S. Also, please stop leaving Master Wog and I hanging at the end of EVERY Trueblood episode. It stinks.
******

Dear Termites,

GO AWAY NOW. Please? We just can't afford to kill your ENTIRE family. Please go eat the next door neighbor's house. They need some excitement.

Annoyed Homeowner and Neighbor,
Larkin
******

Closure?

I am damn sure getting there. It has been 108 days since my heating pad tried to kill me. And, now, I am about 10 days away from healing completely.



Right now, I am on 4 different kinds of medication (including, but not limited to Prednisone, Keflex, and Atarax) to help this thing on its way. My rash is going away, but still bothering me. And I have come to grips with the fact that I will have a gnarly ass scar from this entire adventure.

It has been a long and arduous journey and I am glad it is coming to an end.

I need your brain

I need help. My shutters and awning are LIME GREEN. Yes, like a fucking LIME. See?


I didn't realize just how LIME GREEN they were until we pressure washed the house this past weekend. I was like, WOW, dude, our shutters are FUCKING LIME GREEN! Who ever did this needs to be shot in the foot.

I am thinking of taking off the screen door, painting the door a beautiful rich red, and all of the lime green black. I have always loved the look of the red door/black shutter combination, I just don’t know if my little house can pull it off.

As you can see, the roof is not finished yet (note the bundles of shingles sitting up there...) But when it is completed, the roof will be a dark charcoal gray.

I need ideas. Bounce 'em off me.

I have not fallen off the edge of the Earth

I've just been UBERbusy. But still here, nonetheless.



The main highlight of the last week or so...we got new living room furniture. For the free (thanks to Frances!). Master Wog and I were in the market for a new couch and love seat and/or chair a few months ago. After tons of searching, and several trips to Rooms-to-Go and Big Lots with Jess, Wog and I decided against buying new stuff.

It is a good thing we did not buy it, BAM! Free stuff!! Magical.

That last picture reminds me of The Wizard of Oz...can you even dye my pets to match my couch? Jolly good time!

Seriously, who needs matching pillows when you have a dog with coordinating speckles?

Last but not least, Flea's mad face, Kane's nose, and Roxy's ass.