Boredom at its finest

I was cooking dinner last night and got really bored. I decided to play puppy paparazzi.

Kane, my golden retriever, is the goofiest, sweetest, fetchinest, twitchiest dog I have ever seen in my life. He especially loves twitching on the couch…but last night, he took advantage of our naked bed. You don’t need sound, but if you don’t have it, at the end I ask him what he is doing. He seems to be just as confused as I am.



Turns out, he was letting off some steam. He and Duke had a HUGE argument over the placement of the cat food bowl. After his twitching session, Kane called Duke in for a heart-to-heart. It didn't end well...



Duke did not like what Kane had to say, and made fun of Kane with a traditional tongue sticking out face.



Kane was so upset with Duke's reaction to his opinion, he immediately gathered his closest friends. They went to the couch and held a pre-intervention for Duke for his assholeness.



The moment of truth...THE INTERVENTION...WILL Duke get help? It seems he did not like the idea very much.



Kane is left to wallow in his own misery, wondering what he could have done.



Ultimately, Kane and Duke make up, but only on the grounds that Duke goes to anger management. He lets Duke stay in the house and they live happily ever after.

The End.

Updates and surprise bugs

My leg is doing MUCH better. Burney is on his way to completely healing now. We still have quite a way to go, but I am getting there, slowly but surely.

But now…I have some strange rash popping up all over me. On the top for my forearms and outside elbows, on my feet and legs and in between the girls (which I am pretty sure is an unrelated heat rash (hopefully)). It itches like crazy!! My whole right leg (the burnt, pathetic one) from my knee to my foot has a pretty gnarly heat rash from the Unna boot being on there during these crazy humid hot Savannah Paula Deen's hair summer days.

This SO doesn’t do it justice.




And, I have downsized bandage size DRAMATICALLY. I can wear a smaller bandage now, to just cover the wound. If only I could get this rash to go way...I would almost look normal!

The good news, the wound looks great…the bad news, my leg looks terrible and my elbows and boobs itch.

Fuck.

Me.

Runnin’.

But first, peep Burney and his new skin. Woo to the Hoo!!!!

(I even did a not-so-close up for you squeamish folks out there.)




In other news, Master Wog and I let the dogs out last night, and Duke brought me a roly-poly. In his mouth. And dropped it at the foot of the bed and he and Kane started playing with it. Luckily, no roly-polies were hurt in the making of this blog. But, in my research this morning, I learned that they are in the Woodlice family. Which means nothing more than they eat decaying wood, plant matter and poop.

This is our typical, good ole Southern roly-poly (left) and his bigger, kinda scary cousin (center).

Master Wog looked at Duke and said "Seriously?!" He brought the critter outside and let him go free with his other poop eating friends.

The End.

An extra critter for the weekend

This is Midnight.

She belongs to a friend of Master Wog's and we are dog sitting her this weekend.

Now, I'm not sure if I have mentioned my animals in my blog before or not...heh...but we have 7. Yes. SEVEN. My dogs themselves equally approximately 235lbs. Midnight weights about 5lbs.

I was so concerned that Duke was going to step on her, or try to squeak her like a toy...when she got to our house last night, I was speechless. She literally ran circles around the dogs.

Roxy thinks she is evil. Duke wants nothing to do with her, Kane on the other hand, thinks that she is his own personal living toy.

They kept each other busy, running around the house, chasing each other.

Then Midnight met our cats (which, by the way, all 3 of the cats are MUCH larger then her). That did not work so well. They didn't know what to think. The cats get along with our dogs fine, they even play with each other...but this little mini dog? Hell to the nah.

Flea and Sid chased her around the house, hissing as they went. I think that Kitty (the fat one) just wanted to eat her.

After all was calm...she jumped on Wog's shoulder and tried to eat his beard.

She looks a lot like a vampire bat in this picture, doesn't she?






All in all, she is quite adorable, BUT I prefer my big, slow, stupid dogs over little, fast, adorable, whiny ones ANY DAY.

Burn Update: Day 81

But first... at little bit of cuteness. My Dukey.

Note: his feet are tangled. Who knew a 95lb dog could curl into a 10lb ball?

I told myself I wasn't going to put anymore burn pictures up as I didn't want to scare anyone off...but then I realized that there are a shitton people who are strange like me and fascinated with things like my burn. They also watch A LOT of Discovery Channel, TLC, Science Channel and National Geographic Channel (Shout out to my boy Caesar Millan!)

So here he is. Burney in all his glory.

Burney is finally starting to heal properly. My skin is now 'crawling' (as they say at Wound Care) over the wound. The periwound is still pretty red and irritated, but the wound itself is healing and that is what matters.

Oh, and I am still walking around half mummified. They have to put me in an Unna's Boot to promote healing, and calm some of the irritation.

Plus I look totally sexy walking around like this.

Can you even dye my leg to match my gown? Jolly good time!!

You forgot to flush

Master Wog and I bought this.

The Litter Kwitter.

It is supposed to aid us stupid humans in toilet training our cats...and by toilet, I mean toilet. It uses a combination of several different types of rings to get your cat to get comfortable enough on the toilet to actually use it.

If you care to, you can go here to learn more. Even if you don't want to learn more, I highly suggest going to this site for just a moment to see the video (at top left) of all the different cats on the toilet. I have watched it over and over again and I still giggle. WHAT?! Its funny!

I HATE cleaning the litter box. I 'forget' to do it until it starts to stink, then I am cussing at the cats for pooping in a box. (Not right, I know) And with three cats, it gets pretty nasty. So, Wog and I figured we would try this. what is the worst that would happen? It doesn't work and we are back to litter boxes and out of $30.00?. But, what if it works? What if I am able to get all three of my cats to poop and pee in the toilet.

O.

M.

G.

How awesome would that be?!

So far, we are on step 1: getting the cats used to the ring overall. It is on the floor next to the toilet. All three have been using it and haven't seemed to have a problem with it. Although, Flea was a little skeptical at first...but he is the litter thrower of the bunch. He prefers play over poop.

Tonight, I hope to move to step 2: moving the ring to the toilet.

Now, if only they made something to train the dogs to cook dinner...

Greetings from the inside

This is Sidious, Sid, for short.


He is Syber Kitty's brother. Since sweet little Syber Kitty went to hang out with my mom for eternity, Sid HAS NOT stopped following me. I always knew that dogs have a higher sense of emotion, or sensing it in the least, but it seems Sid does too.

I came home yesterday from picking my car up from the shop (after spending almost $300 to fix the stupid AC, it is now blowing at 44 degrees. Woo to the hoo!)I pull up and see his little face sitting there, staring, almost as if he was waiting for me to get home. He rarely sits up in this particular window and has never been there when I have gotten home.

Needless to say, my night started out great. Knowing Sid's crazy little ass loves me (or at least he is good at pretending). But then.....

I washed the sheets, put the new fresh clean sheets on the bed, make the bed (VERY RARE), Dogs come inside...I smell it. You know smell, anyone who has ever owned a dog knows this fucking smell. SHIT. One of the dogs either, a) pooped in the house, or b)tracked it in from the backyard.

It was b). Duke had stepped in Kane's shit (and how I know it was Kane's shit I have no idea) in the backyard and tracked it ALL OVER the house, AND the new fresh clean comforter. DEATH! No, not really, it wasn't his fault. Plus he was giving me this face...

I then cleaned the hardwood floors with Lysol plus Bleach, cleaned his foot with warm water and a wee bit of Dial, changed comforters and went to sleepy sleep.

Now to see what today brings at Wound Care. I'm off to see the wizard!

Rainbows, conjugal visits, obese cats and motorized wheelchairs

I had quite a long day yesterday. My car is in the shop, so I had to take Master Wog to work somewhere out in the middle of nowhere at 5:30am. Actually it was at the intersection of I-95 and Highway 204, 2 major roadways down here in the SAV. But I am a turd, and I have horrible sense of direction.

Anyway…

I picked him up after work and we make it home last night at around 7:30ish. I get this weird second wind and decide I am finally going to move the cat boxes from the second bedroom into the bathroom, and/or somewhere else in the house. I always ‘forget’ to clean them and I ‘remember’ when our house starts to smell like a stripper cat’s hairy unwashed bum. I figure if they are somewhere where I have to constantly see them, I will be more inclined to keep them clean and smelling powder fresh.

We have 2 cat boxes, one old and one relatively new. I tossed the old one and bought a new matching box. (My cats be stylin’ like dat) I put one in the tiny ass front bathroom and one hidden under a table near the living room. Hopefully this will work, if not, Kane and Roxy will have tummies full of cat turds and my house won’t stink anymore. So, we shall see.

Kitty is fat. See?



Flea is in Kitty Lock-up and Sid is there for a conjugal visit, see?



I saw a rainbow yesterday. The first time since mom passed away. It kind of made my day. See? (sort of?…look harder, lean to the left and squint a bit, you can see it.)



Oh, and my dogs are artistic. See?



And, Kane is happy with eating cat shit, Duke is not, and Roxy is undecided. See?


I also had a really interesting dream last night. I lived with Jess and Krystal and all we did all day is try on dresses…weird. OH! And there was this old lady in a motorized wheelchair that didn’t like us, she would throw condoms on our porch as she zoomed passed us. Too bad I don’t have any pictures of that.

I am by no means a religious person...

But I do believe there are places to be classified as Heaven and Hell. Maybe not so much like, angels and harps and shit...but definitely a place that makes you truly happy. Your Hell would be the complete opposite, complete and utter despair, for eternity. I personally like the Pastafarians version of Heaven and Hell...

The Pastafarian belief of heaven stresses that it contains a beer volcano and a stripper factory. Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale, and the strippers have STDs.

Thank you Wikipedia.

One thing I do not doubt is a certain unbreakable bond between two people. Some may call them soul mates, maybe it is your mother, or a sibling, or maybe it's just a really great friendship. Who knows, not I.

My favorite book is "What Dreams May Come" by Richard Matheson. I've read this book over ten times and seen the movie...like, a lot. I watched it a month or so ago with Master Wog but this time, it was…different. It's not like I don't know what's going to happen. I can practically recite the damn movie. But it made my little mind wander and I couldn't sleep. For those of you who have not seen it, here is a short synopsis---

---Man and woman fall in love, have kids…raise kids…blah blah…kids die in car wreck, wife attempts suicide, loses her mind, husband sticks around tries to help her, can't take it anymore, wife decides it's time to get better, happy happy blah blah…husband dies in car wreck, goes to heaven, wife then succeeds at suicide and goes to hell…fast forward…man finds out wife will stay in hell as all suicides do, says fuck that and literally goes through hell to find his wife and soul mate. On the way he finds both his son and daughter and his mentor and the dog (of course)---

Now my little description has nothing on the movie but you get the picture. What the hell was I talking about…oh, what got to me was the love, and I know it's just a love story, but the fact that this man was willing to give up after-life in heaven with his wife, children (and his dog) to go THROUGH hell to bring his wife back. That's fucking love man. (By the way…the wife is an artist and runs her own art gallery...and his heaven is made of her paintings, like, living paintings, it is pretty bomb diggity) The way each part of hell is portrayed reminds me of "The Devine Comedy" (I am almost positive they based this part of the movie on it) of which I have read Dante's 'Inferno'. Each step holds a different sin. For which every sin has its own punishment. But that's beside the point. The story just touches me. It makes me want to be loved like that. For someone to care so much they would go through hell to have me. I think I am, but you don't really know until you're faced with it.

So, anyway, we fell asleep that night all cuddling and shit. I just kept thinking about how much I want to choke him sometimes, or cut off his...well, you know where I was going with that one, but I truly love him. He is my life (and the dogs...and cats...Redbird, not so much). It's a balance thing. I love him with all my heart and I truly believe I would do anything for him. Die for him? I don't know. Even though we fight, or bicker, or I grab his beard and punch him in the face. Those things make me love him more. The little things he does that drive me crazy make me love him. They make me happy. The make me, me. I almost feel I wouldn't be me without him.

Life can be one crazy, fucked up trip. And there are so many things to do, in such a short amount of time. 'Moulin Rouge' (one of my other favorite movies) said it best—"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

My mother also taught me that no matter what, love your life and smile. It will brighten your day and make you feel better, not to mention how many people will smile back. YOU make THEM smile.

So, smile damnit. I said so!

Burn Update: Day 66

Just a quick update to let you know my leg hasn't fallen off. It is however, infected again. But not that oozing, smelly infection, just a normal itch-like-a-mofo infection. I am (still) on antibiotics and it is healing up slowly, but surely.

Because I love Wikipedia, I will share with you the type of cootie (bacteria) I have:

Enterococcus is a genus of lactic acid bacteria of the phylum Firmicutes. Members of this genus were classified as Group D Streptococcus until 1984 when genomic DNA analysis indicated that a separate genus classification would be appropriate.[1]

Enterococci are Gram-positive cocci that often occur in pairs (diplococci) or short chains and are difficult to distinguish from Streptococci on physical characteristics alone. Two species are common commensal organisms in the intestines of humans: E. faecalis (90-95%) and E. faecium (5-10%). Enterococci are facultative anaerobic organisms, i.e., they do not require oxygen for metabolism, but can survive in oxygen-rich enviornments.[2] They typically exhibit gamma-hemolysis on sheep's blood agar. There are rare clusters of infections with other species: E. casseliflavus, E. raffinosus.

Basically, what that is saying, is that I have strep throat with a side of butt in my leg. Now don't worry, I didn't like wash my leg in toilet water or anything. Nor is it from not washing my hands (I am a total hand washing freak, I cannot stand for my hands to be dirty, even after smoking a cigarette my habit is to wash my hands.) Enterococci are natural occuring organisms in the body. And sometimes, they get pissed off and try to eat your skin, as in my case.

The good news is that the medicine I am on will clear the infection right up, and I can be on the way to making new skin (or granulation, as we refer to it at Wound Care)

And now, what you all have been waiting on, I'm sure......

Burney: Day 66


You can see how much it has healed, on the top and bottom especially.The ookey white bit in the middle is dead tissue that popped back up (after this picture was taken, the nurse numbed it up and cut it off). May I just say, I especially love how you can see my tattoo in the background. Nice.